Talking Sex with My Aspie

My 16-year old was home from school suffering with some sort of stomach bug yesterday.  Grace was running around the house trying to get away from the armed gunmen that have returned with gusto (I’m not kidding), my 14 year-old was lounging on the couch, and Milly, my ASD 9-year old was sitting next to me playing a game on the laptop.  It’s always an adventure in our home.

My oldest girl was watching Psych, one of my favorite TV shows.  What can I say? I love the meta-humor.

Anyway, Grace settled down and fell asleep (thank God!), and the four of us continued watching the Psych episode that had been streaming courtesy of Netflix.  As it ended, the character Woody, the coroner, announced to the Chief of Police:

“In my dreams, you’ll always be the queen of doing me!”

I choked on my coffee (“Wha…? They don’t usually say things like that, do they?”), and Milly said, “What does that mean?! Why are you laughing? What does he mean by that? I feel like you’re not telling me something? Come on, Mom! I wanna know! Does he mean…uh…kissing?”

The 16-year old decides that now is the time to add her two cents.  “Yeah, Mom, tell her.  In fact, we’d all like to hear what it means,” she innocently said, blinking her eyes.

“Traitor,” I muttered.

“I’m ready to know, Mom! Tell me!” Milly practically shouted.

“Okay, well, I guess it means that he really wants to date her,” I carefully explained.

My 16-year old daughter started rolling around on the couch laughing, and my 14-year old daughter hid her face.  “Oh yeah, he really wants to date her.  Really, really wants to date her!”

“That’s it? Just dating?” Milly asked suspiciously.

Narrowing my eyes,” Well, he would kiss her, too.”

“Kissing? And dating? So, that’s what he meant then? I still feel like you’re leaving something out.  I’m ready to hear the truth of it, Mom.” (No, she really isn’t.)

Sighing, “Okay, okay.  He wants to kiss her after the date.  And they wouldn’t wear shirts.  And they would roll around a lot while kissing…WITHOUT wearing their shirts.  That’s what Woody wants to do with the chief.”

Milly’s eyes widened.  She gasped.  “Uh..”  She started making choking sounds.  My 14-year old was still hiding her face, but I could see the shudders of laughter whipping through her.  My 16-year old, on the other hand, had fallen on the floor at this point.  She was holding her stomach and laughing.

“Kissing? Without shirts? And rolling around? I….uh…”  Poor Milly looked like she was ready to have a seizure.

“Yep.  Shirtless kissing and rolling around,” I said matter-of-factly. “But, honey, this is a TV show, and co-workers really shouldn’t behave like that, and pay attention to what the chief said.  She scolded Woody.  She’s a married woman with a baby.  She’s having none of Woody’s bad behavior.  She only kisses her husband without a shirt.  She wouldn’t kiss or date or do shirtless kissing with Woody.  That’s why Shawn and Gus are dragging him out her office.  He’s being disrespectful by saying that to her, and she looks like she might arrest Woody.  He’s really a rather impertinent man!”

Milly started making weird sounds.  A strange chortling noise.  She was clearly uncomfortable by the notion of Topless Kissing Rumpus.  I don’t know what’s going to happen to her when she finds out about…God help us all..SEXY RUMPUS!!!

Yep.  This is what it’s like–talking sex with an Aspie.

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9 thoughts on “Talking Sex with My Aspie

  1. She’s gonna end up like me is what’s going to happen to her, and have a midlife crisis when she realizes that dating is a euphemism for . . . doing people. Why not tell her? I know she’s not going to understand, or probably even want to understand, all the ins and outs, but I think it’s good for kids to at least be aware of things so they aren’t caught by surprise later, and to be able to trust their parents to answer questions so they don’t go looking somewhere else.

    • Oh, well, normally I would have a much more in-depth discussion with a child who was asking these kinds of questions, but there is an emotional and social delay of about 3 years with ASD kids. So, while she’s 9 years old, she’s really emotionally and socially 6. A 6 year-old isn’t cognitively and emotionally able to fully process the act of sex nor the context. The development isn’t there. That’s why I gave her enough information–the adults will kiss without shirts on and roll around. That was almost more information than she could process. She was too uncomfortable with that. I’ll see how she handles that for a while.

      Grace has a similar social and emotional delay. Her psychiatrist said that it’s probably due the underlying SCZ that’s always been simmering, just not evident until recently. Grace NEVER asked questions, and I finally talked to her when she was in the 5th grade. I had wondered if someone got to her before me. She had no clue. She was completely innocent about the entire concept of sex and sexuality. She knew about animals, but she just didn’t realize that people did anything aside from kiss, hold hands, and hug. So, we had The Talk, and she sat as far away from me as possible, looking slightly horrified. Then she promptly ran to her room when it was over. She seems fine about it now. She acts a little “worldly” around Milly, like she has this access to information that Milly doesn’t. Very big sisterly. I find it amusing seeing as how I’m pretty sure Grace thought The Stork was somehow involved for all those years.

  2. As usual you’ve got things under control. Some of my motivation comes from “I feel like you’re not telling me something?” which I didn’t expect from Milly, and I was thinking her insight should get some positive results. Or maybe she just says things like that just to see if she can shake something out of you. You know the dynamics, I don’t. I seem to err on the side of giving kids credit for more than a lot of people would expect, and they’re good at not listening to what they don’t want to hear or don’t care about. Maybe too good. 🙂

    • She’s a bit of a button pusher, and then when I call her bluff she’s often shocked. I’m just glad to see her practicing some theory of mind.

  3. Pingback: Milly Meets Lavender | Empowered Grace

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