I just got off the phone with my husband. We get to go home! This is cause for celebration. Grace is not having seizures. The neurological activity that she is experiencing is related to migraine activity so that’s the next step in her treatment, but that wasn’t what my husband and I spent our time discussing. Apparently during my absence, Milly just had to know exactly how babies were made. In the car. Alone with her dad.
I am filled with a schadenfreude-like glee that she decided to pursue this line of questioning with him because I’ve had The Talk with every other girl in our family. It’s about time he suited up to take on The Birds and The Bees.
“So, Milly just had to know how babies were made last night. Like she really had to know how the sperm made it to the egg.”
“Really? What did you tell her?”
“Well, I’m not gonna lie! I told her!”
Snickering with delight, “I wanna hear what you said!”
“I just told her that the penis goes into the vagina, and that’s how it happens. Then, sperm leave the penis and swim to the egg. She’s a little horrified that she’s got eggs in her body. I think she feels like a bird.”
“What did she say then?”
“Well, she asked if people did this naked.”
“What did you say?”
“I said yeah, of course! That’s the best part!”
“You did not!”
“Hell, yeah, I did!”
Busting a gut laughing, “What did she say then?”
“She asked if we did that naked.”
“Of course she did. Oh Lord…”
“I told her that we did it at least four times because she and her sisters are here! Oh, and Eadaoin was in the car while this was going on. I might have left out some stuff, but I covered the important details so I’ll let you flesh out what I missed.”
“Flesh out? Really? PHRASING!”
Tears were running down my face. The thought of my husband telling Milly that we have naked sex is almost too much for me. The thought that she now knows exactly what that means is beyond! She’s a literal thinker! She’s an Aspie! Every time our door is locked from now on I can safely predict that she will dramatically and very loudly ask, “Are you naked? Dad, are you putting your penis into Mom’s vagina? That is just so disgusting! I am never doing that! I am horrified. GROSS!”
So, this is what happens when I leave the house!