In which MJ has a problem keeping her thoughts to herself
It has been a long week. We are under a winter storm advisory during spring break. Typical.
The girls have been little super heroes this week. I have zero complaints about them. In fact, I figured something out, y’all. I figured out that I could delegate. I could ask a few of them to sort the laundry and ask another one of them to start a load of laundry. And, you know what? They did it! Milly likes to help me fold laundry so I actually conquered the mountain range in the basement. Laundry is my nemesis. I hate it. Truly. I would rather shave the cat or stick my tongue on a frozen flagpole than do laundry. In fact, I have actually shaved a cat in lieu of doing laundry. No lie.
I had my MRI and EEG on Monday, and I saw an eye doctor today. The MRI was fine, and Gene did a good job injecting the dye into my arm. It didn’t hurt at all. Good job, Gene. As I predicted, my EEG was clean. They always are. I haven’t had a seizure in ages. My MRI was weird, and I’m irritated with my awesome neurologist. While there was no visible inflammation of the optic nerve, there were white matter lesions. She didn’t say how many. Huh. She then said that the lesions hadn’t changed since my 2009 scan. I don’t recall her telling me in 2009 that I had lesions. What the heck, awesome neurologist? She told me that my chronic migraines were the cause of my white matter lesions. Great. I now understand why she’s adamant that I keep them under control as if I don’t try to do that. I get about twelve migraines a month. In a good month, I’ll get about seven. Without the Topamax, I’d get about twenty a month so the drug does something for me. She told me that I had to see an eye doctor as soon as possible because she couldn’t rule out optic neuritis.
I saw him this afternoon. My favorite eye doctor retired. He was great. The dude I saw today was just…limp. He had zero personality and a terrible bedside manner. He should not be allowed to interact with humans. He should be a neurologist.
I tried my best to be charming and charismatic which just really means that I unintentionally acted like a dumb housewife. My left eye was throbbing so I was squinting and twitching a bit. I had a migraine earlier in the day because, you know, the odds are about 50/50 that I will have one. Zomig, the abortive drug used to stop migraines, gives me a bit of a slur. My hair was braided, and I was wearing my retro grape Crush shirt with pink Converse. I think I looked and acted like a stoner. He didn’t say one word during the entire exam. Normally, I don’t mind the silence, but this was really awkward. He was holding my eye open with his fingers! To be honest, I am so glad that this man wasn’t a gynecologist. Can you imagine?
“Scoot down. A little more. A little more. A little more please.”
This man must be the caller at a spelling bee in his spare time. He must make children cry. He calls out the words with his stony voice and then stares the children down silently when they ask, “Could you use that in a sentence please?”
Anyway, after he thoroughly molested both my eyeballs, he declared that my eyes looked healthy. He also said that I most likely had a bout of optic neuritis. He then very directly said, “You know that optic neuritis is strongly associated with MS.” I immediately thought to myself that this man was in the wrong field. He should have been a process server! I really wanted to roll my eyes, but, unfortunately, I can’t. My left eye won’t roll up right now. What kind of justice is that? I’ve lost the ability to roll my eyes! Here, I’ll let Tina Fey do it for me:
I told him that I already knew that. My mother has MS, and my awesome neurologist informed me of the risks associated with optic neuritis. It’s why she sent me to see him. She wanted his opinion. Optic neuritis won’t necessarily show up on an MRI particularly after a run of prednisone. He told me that the prednisone most likely calmed the inflammation down which is why it didn’t show up on the scan. I have to go back in two weeks for a field vision test to see how much damage has been done to my nerve by the inflammation. So far, color is a bit desaturated in my left eye. Red is more orange, and I still can’t focus as well as I could before the inflammation occurred. Apparently, this is normal after ON. ON is often a recurring condition. I had to ask him directly what to do should I wake up one morning with an exacerbation. He flatly said, “Call your neurologist and get an MRI.”
I don’t like him. He isn’t very helpful. I had to drag the information out of him. Thank God for the Internet. I read up on ON a ton before I even saw him so I knew what to ask. What if I didn’t know what to ask? What if I was scared or nervous or had no access to the Internet or had little experience with uptight doctors?
Can I just say this: I do NOT have time for this!!!! I need a working eye. I don’t need or want trigeminal nerve pain. I don’t need or want an inflamed optic nerve.
So, I’m going to see a functional internist. She’s the one that diagnosed my celiac disease. She looks at the why behind the symptoms. She’ll know what to do. She won’t just throw steroids at me.
In the meantime, I’m starting the Paleo diet. It’s anti-inflammatory. Good-bye, dairy and sugar (insert pouting face). Hopefully, I’ll feel better so that I can get back to, you know, rolling my eyes and other important things.