How To Wake Up A Teenager

Like most teens, Eadaoin ignores her alarm clock.  She hits the snooze button several times every morning.  It’s sort of endearing the first few times it happens.  As an adult you see yourself in this.  “Aaaw, look at that.  We’re related.”  After a few months of this, it’s not cute in any way.  It’s just annoying.  “Look at that.  She won’t get up on her own for anything.  Wild horses probably can’t drag her out of bed.  We’re related.”

Well, I don’t have any wild horses around to attempt to drag Eadaoin out of bed, and I’m tired of tromping up the stairs every morning to poke and prod her.  “Eadaoin…Eadaoin…Eadaoin…Eadaoin.  Wake up.  Wake up.  Dear Lord…Is she dead?”

When asked later why she ignores her alarm, she justifies herself with an answer we adults have all used.  “I sleep through it.  I don’t hear it.  I can’t help it.”  What am I going to say to that? I slept through Hurricane Alicia when I was 8 years-old and three ensuing tornadoes! Who am I to criticize?

So, how do you wake up a teenager?

I figured it out.  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy, did I!

Every adolescent I’ve ever met is programmed to one sound.  They’ll hear it a mile away.  “I have a text!”  That sound.  The sound of incoming flirting, socializing, and gossip.  Ah the text notification.

I have used it for evil.  Eadaoin has a very annoying text notification sound.  It’s a fairy from The Legend of Zelda saying, “Hey listen!” It drives Doireann nuts.  “Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen!” Every time a text arrives.  “Hey listen!” This morning, I got up and realized that Eadaoin had once again ignored slept through her alarm.  She is supposed to get up at 6 AM.  She was still in bed at 6:35.  I decided to do something different.

I grabbed my cell phone and sent twenty texts to her phone.  “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey…” I could hear her phone from downstairs.  “Hey listen!” repeatedly.  I heard Doireann yell, “Eadaoin! Your phone!!!!” I heard Eadaoin’s feet hit the floor.  She ran down the stairs holding her phone and saw me innocently sipping my coffee at the dining room table.  “Mom! Why?! What…Mom!” “Oh good.  You’re up!”

If looks could kill…

She returned to the table a little later dressed and obviously upset.  “You sent me over twenty texts.  Doireann is mad.”

I just sipped my coffee feeling a bit of Schadenfreude.

“I’m getting up on my own tomorrow.  That is a horrible way to wake up.  I don’t wanna wake up like that again.  I wanna throw my phone into the sun.”

I just looked at her while I sipped my coffee.  My husband looked at me with admiration.  Doireann looked at me like I was evil incarnate.

That’s how you wake up a teenager.

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12 thoughts on “How To Wake Up A Teenager

    • Yes, the adults find this so funny. The teens, on the other hand, are NOT laughing. Doireann as so mad at me, and Eadaoin fussed the whole morning. But she was UP and at ’em. And I didn’t have to walk up one step this morning. I was told later by both of them that it was a good idea…begrudgingly. MJ for the win!

      • That is fantastic news! LOL! I always had the hardest time with my son. He’s 20 now and at college, so I don’t have that responsibility unless he’s home or in between years.
        When John Joseph was 15 or so, he had total control over his cell phone (at some point you need to give up, right?) and would have it next to his ear while sleeping so he’d never miss that all-important last text of the day. JJ would then get up exhausted wondering why he was tired all day! Clown! He was convinced he had some type of sleep disorder until we went to the doctor who told him to “knock it off” with the texting! UGH.
        (But what if the very last text is really important Dad?)
        Texting is a curse, more than a blessing I am beginning to think. Conversations are not 1 on 1 anymore… it’s like 1.5 on 1.5 or 1.0 on 2.0, but never like the good old days.
        Maybe we should open up a bar or nightclub where cell phones, smart phones are prohibited? 🙂

      • There is a “game” that people play when groups go out to dinner. Everyone stacks up their cell phones in the center of the table. The first person to reach for it has to pay for the entire dinner. It’s a good way to practice being present and take one’s temperature regarding cell phone use and one’s ability to put aside that dopamine hit that comes from constant cell phone use.

      • I like that. I want to create an app that will give people you are with an electric shock if they touch their phone. Or have parental controls for teenagers that give them a decent jolt if they touch it during certain hours. Nothing awful… maybe just enough to make them feel like they just put a 9V battery on their tongue.
        Your game is great though, I’ll try that ASAP! And maybe increase the damages, lol.

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